Snow Angels

Holiday time with family as a child held such a mysticism, its hard to believe how much things can change.  Now the only mystery of the evening is beer or wine :)  Its snowing here in Chicago on Christmas eve, there is a fire in the fireplace, cookies fresh from the oven, and Santa is on his way- but something is missing. A few more loved ones? Whether they are with us or not (in any sense of the matter) a noticeable hole I haven't quite figured out how to fill. I guess the lesson here would be for graditude, again, for the 6'8'' snow angel making it snow.

   Living as if. As if I had everything I ever wanted, now. As if I had everyone I ever wanted in my life, here. As if I had so much wealth I could spread it among others who need it more. As if I had not a worry in the world. 
   I've started trying to live as if. The people I've met, places I've been, and opportunities I've had along the way- incredible. The best part is, it's only been a handful of months since I started this experiment. The more grateful I become for what is surrounding me, the more great things that come my way. Watch what happens.
   I'm not trying to preach that this is the answer to grief, but it makes things just a touch easier, for me at least. It makes me more aware of the wealth of love that does and has existed in my life, and it's pretty hard to beat that. 

Brunch and Fried Donut-Animal Sandwiches

A few of us got together last Sunday to share some big Taige-like bear hugs, and a little brunch. It was great to see lots of people who loved Taige together, it was a nice comfort if nothing else. Well, until someone busted out the donuts that is. Then all I remember is thinking about stomach aches.... hopefully the photo below explains :)

One Year Later...

Riding the waves of life, you sometimes find yourself at the crest, with a clear view of everything around you, and the sun shinning on your smiling face. Other times, you wake up in the trough, far from the warming rays of the sun and without a hope of ever getting out. If life's lessons in the past year have accumulated to anything, it is the analogy of this wave. My dad says, "Feelings are only temporary." While its hard to believe when you are at the bottom of the trough, it does seem to be true. Even if only for a minuscule moment, it happens, and those in the dark are brought again into the light.  

A few other things I have learned this year... everyone grieves differently. There is no right way to go about doing it, for some people it is a social experience, for others a quiet and more personal process. For however different they are, a solid foundation in gratuity remains clear and consistent, as every person who ever crossed His path would agree, that smile and laugh were the best, and I am ever thankful to have lavished in their presence. 

On that note, here is a little piece of that smile-  Much love.

What do you do, when there is no one else who would understand but you?

When I close my eyes, you are sitting in front of me; pink button down, gray slacks, one knee bouncing uncontrollably.  You are shaking your head and saying, "I don't know Carl..." in a tone that says, "I can't believe this crap either!"  I put my hand on your knee and you calm, for a second at least, and then we start it all over.  Never anything a trip to the cooler and a spoonful of ice cream couldn't fix.  

Going to need a lot of ice cream...

5 months. And though the posts might not come as often, or the tears don't flow as much, we continue to have you in our thoughts and in our hearts. I think of you and miss you daily. It's spring out there. The world is waking up. Flowers and trees are coming to life. I see the beauty around me and you are there.

I bought tickets to see MGMT and Passion Pit this spring and summer. I'll live it up a little extra hard for you.

In this world of uncertainties, one thing's for sure. You continue to live on within everyone you've touched, and that brings us together and it helps us when we wish we could hear your laughter or see your smile.

Til next time...

From Carly Otte

Taige, Really missing you right now. Just wish I could walk down to Centro or give you a call, you just always knew the right thing to say and damn, one of those hugs would mean the world right now. Today, we lost yet another great one from our skiing community. CR was such a great person and I have known him through my brother for years. He truly had a passion for skiing and it meant the world to him. After his accident in 05', he really understood how lucky he was to be here; appreciating everything he had. I have come to known many in the skiing profession, but CR was grateful everyday for his skiing ability. I had the chance recently to hang out with him and my four brothers and he was just so amped to be with us all, laughing and telling stories. It was funny too that some things he brought up in Aspen reminded me of you and I was quickly upset. However, I was comforted by his kind energy and was surprised by his kind words. He has brought so much great energy and memories to my brother Colin and this will be a hard change for all of us. It really stirred up feelings from losing you and I just am sitting here wondering why we have to lose those that are so positive for the rest of us. It just doesn't seem fair, yet I can only accept it and allow it to happen. Keep your eyes open for his arrival as I am sure you would learn alot from each other. More importantly, you will be ripping it up there together. Enjoy the snow, make sure you give him a big hug from all of us, miss you always...xxoo

 

The Ultimate Hedonist

I need a kick in the pants, Taige. I need you to call me out on not living my life to the fullest right now; on not making the most out of every day, on not having enough fun. On being something I dread: boring.

You were the ultimate hedonist (I love the etymology—from the Greek delight, pleasure). And I say that only with love. You lived every day with the intention of having fun, getting the most out of life, and surrounding yourself with people who you loved and who loved you. Michel Onfray describes hedonism as “…an introspective attitude to life based on taking pleasure yourself and pleasuring others, without harming yourself or anyone else.” I can’t think of anything that better describes you. I learned to apply that concept to my own life when I met you. You helped me live with intention and to take risks and to be a little crazy. You got so much out of your life and inspired those around you to do the same.

I find myself in a rut right now, in the cold grayness of Michigan…I feel like I am not living my life to the fullest, I feel like I have somewhat isolated myself. It’s frustrating and I can’t seem to do anything about it despite being aware of it. I miss you. Whenever I see a picture of you my heart skips a beat. Whenever I see your name spelled out, or when I hear it spoken, my stomach knots up. What I’d give to be able to talk to you, see you, feel you next to me again…

I know I’ll get better, and I know it takes time. But I’ll never forget the times we shared or what I learned from knowing you. And for now, I hold onto everything you brought to my life and give thanks. Missing you always.