Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Ultimate Hedonist

I need a kick in the pants, Taige. I need you to call me out on not living my life to the fullest right now; on not making the most out of every day, on not having enough fun. On being something I dread: boring.

You were the ultimate hedonist (I love the etymology—from the Greek delight, pleasure). And I say that only with love. You lived every day with the intention of having fun, getting the most out of life, and surrounding yourself with people who you loved and who loved you. Michel Onfray describes hedonism as “…an introspective attitude to life based on taking pleasure yourself and pleasuring others, without harming yourself or anyone else.” I can’t think of anything that better describes you. I learned to apply that concept to my own life when I met you. You helped me live with intention and to take risks and to be a little crazy. You got so much out of your life and inspired those around you to do the same.

I find myself in a rut right now, in the cold grayness of Michigan…I feel like I am not living my life to the fullest, I feel like I have somewhat isolated myself. It’s frustrating and I can’t seem to do anything about it despite being aware of it. I miss you. Whenever I see a picture of you my heart skips a beat. Whenever I see your name spelled out, or when I hear it spoken, my stomach knots up. What I’d give to be able to talk to you, see you, feel you next to me again…

I know I’ll get better, and I know it takes time. But I’ll never forget the times we shared or what I learned from knowing you. And for now, I hold onto everything you brought to my life and give thanks. Missing you always.